For those who like the monsters that are vampires, the molten slag of the monster word, the murderers, the leechers, the blood suppers. All of you who have written a vampire story go forth to your blogs and show the word the teeth not the sparkle.
I bring you a tale first aired at The New Flesh
I bring you ANYTHING MORE THAN TWO
candles created a music that caused the shadows to dance. A finger
pointed to a rickety chair. Harvey closed his coat, straightened his
pants and sat. He sniffed, and said, “Your little den stinks.”
“How’d you find me?” The voice was ridden with disinterest.
as easy as last time, but, you’re not as clever as you are fucked up.”
Harvey replied, pulling out a smoke and sparking it up.
“The waitress, she gave me away.” Not a question.
I stumbled upon her staring at her feet even though they were on the
other side of the room it made me think that it’s not the shenanigans of
a normal fuck-up. It could only be the work of a special fuck-up, one
like you,” Harvey said, taking another hit.
drew on his cigarette before letting free the smoke. He watched the
freak through the rising blue tendrils. “Last time I took pity, this
The thing cut him off. “This time no slap on the wrist.” It drew its legs up to its chest from its place in the corner.
nodded, and said, “Correct. This time I’m gonna do the job properly.”
Harvey dropped the cigarette, leant forward and screwed it into the
thick layer of dust on the floor.
The thing chuckled and then coughed.
Harvey knew why the sound was so odd. “Like a leech, gorged far past the point of satiation.”
thing struck its bony chest and hacked up a quart’s worth of congealed
blood and then laughed. “The overspill always ends up in my lungs. In
'98 I forgot to purge and the blood scabbed.”
“That won’t happen again.” Harvey promised.
thing ignored him and looked over to the stone coffin. “I sat with her
for over a month after you’re father had slain her. I didn’t leave the
mausoleum, not even to eat, imagine what I looked like then.”
Harvey looked over at long, cracked stone box, then back to the thing.
"Let's get this over with."
thing managed another chuckle and another little cough as it spent the
rest of the blood in its lungs. "I made you show yourself, you have no
weapons. There is no way you can finish me. Not unless you've somehow
earned a wooden leg and plan to dance upon my chest."
The thing laughed loud, and it laughed long.
shrugged and said, "You things are sly, so I need to be sharper,
keener, and a little more thoughtful." He left the chair and headed over
to the stone coffin. He ran a hand around the length of it before
stopping. He looked over his shoulder. "You've become too comfortable
with your skills and that's wrong, and it goes for any occupation.
"Please, entertain me, how do you plan on vanquishing me?"
Harvey turned around. His zipper was down, his penis was out and he had his dominant hand around it.
The thing cackled. "Hardly an apt weapon, though perhaps impressive to the ladies that enjoy a shallow ploughing."
strode forward and started to urinate in the direction of the thing.
The first drop that touched brought forth a scream. The trickle a howl.
The full flow a bestial shriek that threatened to crack the very stone
urine worked like the lash of a whip, stroking runs in the thing's skin,
delving deep into the flesh. It cowered as it was wounded and wetted.
"How?" Was its call.
pissed until he could piss no more. "Nobody said holy water needed to
be carried within a vessel such as a flask, or a vial, did they?"
The thing grunted.
picked up the old chair and broke it. He grabbed one of the legs from
the rubble and bore down upon the pitiful creature. "And now I have a
stake. I knew the chair would be here. Do you know why I know? Because,
like you I've sat on it before. I sat on it whilst my father purged this
world of your mother. He cut her mother-fucking head clean off. Your
turn." Harvey raised the stake and then crashed it down into the things
chest. It hollered for a second and then gargled as its insides
shuddered and faltered to a stop.
gave his penis a shake, only two though; his father had always said
that anything more than two shakes can be construed as masturbation.